Windows 11½
Mirrored from Hacker News — AI on Front Page for archival readability. Support the source by reading on the original site.
Microsoft, Windows, Microsoft 365, Edge, Outlook, OneDrive, Teams, Xbox, and other referenced product names and marks belong to their respective owners. They are referenced here to identify the subjects of parody and commentary.
No endorsement is implied. Any resemblance to a stable, predictable operating system is purely coincidental.
Whoa there.
You appear to be downloading another browser.
Microsoft Edge uses the same technology as Chrome, except we're already here and harder to remove.
Quarterly Report
Revenue increased by 8% this quarter, mostly because every product became a subscription.
Customer retention remained stable while software licensing expenses continued their inspiring journey upward.
Your Microsoft 365 subscription is active, but Word would like you to prove it again.
You can still admire the document you’re apparently not allowed to edit.
| A | B | C | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Expense | Amount | Notes |
| 2 | Microsoft 365 | $99.99 | Annual |
| 3 | OneDrive Upgrade | $69.99 | Because 5GB |
| 4 | Copilot Pro | $240.00 | AI suggested buying more AI. Shocking. |
| 5 | Windows Pro | $199.99 | Still has ads |
| 6 | Teams Premium | $120.00 | Mic still broken |
| 7 | Xbox Game Pass | $239.88 | Solitaire DLC soon |
| 8 | Remaining patience | $0.00 | Out of stock |
| 9 | Total | #SUBSCRIPTION! | Upgrade to calculate |
Microsoft recommends panicking.
Welcome to the new Outlook
We removed several features to make room for a cleaner experience and also ads.
You have 10.2 MB remaining. That's enough for approximately one email from Teams containing a 9 MB company logo.
Tip: Can't find a feature? That's intentional.
Ready to join?
Camera: Working
Microphone: Working
Speaker: Default device
What can I misunderstand for you?
Now with deeper integration into things that worked fine before.
Settings
System
Let Windows help whether you asked or not
Windows is activated with a digital license.
Microsoft Edge is the recommended browser for Windows.
This setting has moved three times.
Recommended if you have attempted productivity.
Processes
| Name | CPU | Memory | Power usage |
|---|
Your files are “safely” in OneDrive
Including the stuff you specifically thought was only on your computer.
5.01 GB of 5 GB used
Search everything you've ever done
Updates are underway.
Please keep your computer on.
Estimated time remaining: 4 minutes*
*Estimate generated randomly.
This folder is empty.
Classic Control Panel was here a moment ago.
Oh great, they brought me back.
Apps you never knew you needed
Top free apps*
Klondike-ish
Your device is secure-ish
Last scan: conveniently recent
ChromeSetup.exe
19 background processes. Totally normal.
Welcome back, Player_847291
You have been legally distinctly rickrolled
You know exactly what this is referencing. Legal would like to emphasize that the song you are thinking of is not playing.
We're collecting some error info, and then we'll restart for you. Also, we've enabled several optional experiences.
Stop code: USER_ATTEMPTED_PRODUCTIVITY
What failed: subscription_manager.sys
Discussion (0)
Sign in to join the discussion. Free account, 30 seconds — email code or GitHub.
Sign in →No comments yet. Sign in and be the first to say something.